When You Were Young
by Isabella387
Summary: A little Hernst oneshot song fic. ERnst is conflicted about how he feels about Hanschen, who has recently betrayed him. Can Hanschen win forgiveness? Inspired by the song When you were Young by the Killers.


AAAAAHHHH! MY DEAREST SPRING AWAKENING STORY WRITERS! Ok, so I was taking a little break from this section to write for the Penguins section.... then I realized that they are physically incapible of writing a cohesive and well put together story. That along with vast suffocation by OC's in that section made me want to write for my favorite section; this one! So here's a little one shot for you staring Hernst! Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hanschen or Ernst they are property of Frank Wedekin and Spring Awakening. The rights to the song belong to the Killer's.

* * *

_You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now ... here he comes!_

Ernst looked up slowly from his slate at the teacher. He tried to focus on what Herr Sonnenstich was talking about. But ever so gradually his eyes drifted to the back of the blond haired boy's head in the front row. Hanschen. He zoned out for the briefest moment before, letting his mind wander out of the confines of the dreary classroom to a happier place. A smile on smug lips, a soft kiss, and a vineyard.

A ruler slapped down on Ernst's desk, rousing him from his day dream. Ernst glanced slowly and fearfully up at his teacher.

"Welcome back to the world Herr Robel," he stated coldly, "If you care to drift off during my class again you need not come back or there will be punishment. Do I make myself clear?" The class was looking at him. Ernst fearfully nodded and glanced around the room. He felt Hanschen's blue eyes cutting into him like knives, lingering for a while longer than the others. Herr Sonnenstich spoke again.

"Read the next ten lines of the Aeneid and have them memorized by tomorrow. You are all dismissed." The boys and Herr Sonnenstich quickly gathered their things; leaving as fast as they could in their blind eagerness to return home from the imprisonment of their daily penitentiary. Ernst was slower in retrieving his things and loading them into his bag. He heard footsteps come up beside him and stop. Ernst looked up slowly into the blue eyes that had been staring at him in pity not too long ago.

_He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But he talks like a gentleman  
Like you imagined when you were young_

"Do you need help?" Hanschen said. His tone was calm, but his eyes shone the light of pity and remorse. Ernst shook his head without a word. Hanschen bent down to help him regardless. Their hands fell over the same book. Ernst quickly picked it up and put it in his bag.

"Thank you," Ernst said barely audibly. Hanschen gave him a smile.

"Walk with me?" Ernst nodded and followed the blond boy like a dog. There was silence before Hanschen spoke again, "I'm sorry that Sonnenstich was so hard on you today."

They passed the church. The crucifix clearly visible through the window. Hanschen ignored it and continued to walk past the building. The small one around Ernst's neck suddenly had the weight of a thousand bricks. He felt a pit in his stomach as he looked at Hanschen walking in front of him.

_Can we climb this mountain  
I don't know  
Higher now than ever before  
I know we can make it if we take it slow  
Let's take it easy  
Easy now, watch it go_

Hanschen chuckled to himself as Ernst tried to rush into a kiss the next day. The black haired boy looked at him confused.

"Why are you laughing?" Ernst said his own blue eyes big, his body pent up with tension. Hanschen put a hand to his cheek and rubbed his thumb across Ernst's cheekbone.

"Oh my dear Ernst, you are quite tenacious today are you not?" Hanschen smiled, and leaned forward kissing Ernst softly before whispering in his ear, "be slow, make it last." Ernst obediently followed Hanschen's lead. It started slowly, passionately. Nothing like their first frantic meeting. Hanschen picked up the pace, sensing Ernst's need. Ernst fell onto his back, not letting the dirt beneath him bother him, not letting his lips separate from his lover's.

Hanschen moved his hands from Ernst's neck. Down to his waist. To Ernst's belt buckle…

_We're burning down the highway skyline  
On the back of a hurricane that started turning  
When you were young  
When you were young_

It was all moving so fast. Ernst lay on Hanschen's chest under a tree. It was the sixth time they had met like this. Both boys let their breathing patterns calm; their hair messy, their brows sweaty from passion. Ernst closed his eyes and listened. Hanschen looked at him.

"Ernst?" there was a pause; Ernst still did not speak fearing that his voice would shatter the moment, "What are you doing?" Ernst shushed him.

"Listening."

"To what?"

"You're heart," Hanschen sat there in silent shock. He hesitated, but then put a hand to Ernst's head and stroked his hair. Ernst smiled as he felt at peace for the first time since their first meeting in the vineyard. For the first time since then, he felt calm. He let Hanschen's steady heartbeat slowly rock him to that euphoric state between dreaming and reality.

_And sometimes you close your eyes  
and see the place where you used to live  
When you were young_

Ernst sat under that same tree, days later. He let the tears sting his eyes as he buried his head into his knees. How could Hanschen do this? How could he kiss _her_? Did he truly not love him? Ernst wiped his eyes and looked up, closing them, taking in deep breaths of cool air.

The wind blew at the crucifix. Ernst felt the cold metal turn on his skin. He grabbed it and prevented it from moving again. He tried to remember what he had done before this. He was thankful Hanschen was just a person and so easy to forget. Surely he could go back to how he had been before. And yet there was something in the back of his mind and in the pit of his heart that was telling him that returning to life before would be impossible.

"I have cried for no one," Ernst said quietly to no one but the wind, "I have been afraid, but not cried. I will not cry for you."

_They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet  
You don't have to drink right now  
But you can dip your feet  
Every once in a little while_

Ernst sat in church, his eyes plastered to the floor. Words of the sermon flowed into his head and flowed out like water in a stream. Some managed to stick and with each word a sharp pang ran through his chest. _Sin, hell, wrong, suffering, repent. _He slowly raised his eyes to the sad ones of the crucifix, and felt the blue ones of past happiness burning into his skull.

At that moment Ernst had realized that no matter how wrong it was, it had made him happy. And happiness wasn't a sin. But his religion had the last laugh. Things that were not meant to be would be decimated. Things that were wrong would cease as quickly as they had come to be. Life was one cruel experiment.

_You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
To save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now here he comes_

Ernst once more sat under the tree. He heard footsteps over crunching leaves come up behind him and he automatically knew who it was.

"Why are you here?" Ernst asked not tearing his eyes from the horizon. Hanschen didn't speak. For a while, "Why are you here?" Ernst asked again.

"I needed to talk to you," Hanschen said sitting beside him. Ernst didn't look at him, "Ernst I- why won't you speak to me?" Ernst still did not answer, "Ernst when- when you told me you loved me . . . I didn't know what to do. I don't know if I love you back, but I want-" he went to grab Ernst's hand but the younger boy pulled it away swiftly, "Damn it Ernst!" Hanschen said, "I'm trying to apologize here! Would you just look at me?"

"What if I don't want your apology?" Ernst said standing over Hanschen, "What if it means nothing to me? I told you I loved you Hanschen and for a time I believed you loved me too. But then you had to…" Ernst stopped and turned away from him.

"Don't." Hanschen said standing up behind him.

"But Hanschen you-"

"I'm not going to talk about Thea! It was a stupid move." Ernst gave a curt laugh.

"Stupid? It was more than stupid Hanschen you- you kissed her for your own gain! And you more than lied to me about it. You broke my heart, and I-" Hanschen cut him off with a breathtaking kiss.

_He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But he talks like a gentleman  
Like you imagined when you were young  
He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when  
When you were young_

Ernst pulled back from the kiss and Hanschen rested his forehead against the smaller boy, looking into his eyes.

"Hasnchen? Why?"

"We needed a cover didn't we?" Hanschen said with a sly smile. Ernst shook his head and tried to pull away, Hanschen wouldn't let him, "Ernst, I do love you. And if I had to break your heart to protect you I am sorry." Ernst turned his face down but Hanschen pulled it back up, "Please forgive me for my sacrifice."

Ernst just looked at him, his eyes flittering between the two blue orbs in front of him. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks. Hanschen wasn't the enemy, he was the savior. Life is not an experiment. It's an experience. You must have sacrifices to protect the ones you love. Ernst rushed to give Hanschen another kiss.

"All is forgiven," Hanschen smiled against his lover's lips.

_I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But more than you'll ever know_

PLEASE REVIEW THIS! I hope you enjoyed it. On a side note I am pleased to say that as soon as I'm done with my POM story I will be returning to this section with a sequel to The Scarlet Line as it is in popular demand. I love you all and miss all of you. But never fear. I shall return!!! R&R


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